Finding true friends is hard to come by so what happens when you realize that you may be falling in love with your close friend???
Friend or Lover?? Friendship is a form of love and a mutual respect for one another. Either or, you obviously have to like the person in which you share common interests with. The difference between a lover and a friend is that a lover requires a romantic and sexual involvement. It gets complicated when we realize that this friend is someone you are falling in love with. How do we deal with wanting more than the friendship? Do we risk loosing that friend by unveiling the truth with the chance they may not feel the same? Do we choose one way or the other? I came across a song performed by Carolyn Dawn Johnson “Complicated”, in which I feel is a good example of expressing these emotions.
Complicated Lyrics - Performed by Carolyn Dawn Johnson When you walk into the room, I wanna find a hiding place. We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do. But now, a smile and a touch of your hand, Just makes me come unglued. Such a contridiction, do I lie or tell the truth. Is it fact or fiction, Oh the way I feel for you. So complicated, I'm so frustrated. I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away, I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay. Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel? Oh, I want you to know. But then again, I don't. It's so complicated. Oh..just when I think I'm under control. I think I finally got a grip. Another friend tells me that, My name is always on your lips. They say I'm more than just a friend, they say I must be blind. Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye. Oh, It's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess. But think of what I'd be losing, if your answer wasn't yes. So complicated I'm so frustrated, I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away, I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay. Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel. Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't, It's so complicated. Oh, I hate it. 'Cuz I've waited. So long for someone like you Oh, what do I do. Oh should I say it. Should I tell you how I feel. I want you to know,but then again I don't. It's so complicated.. It's so complicated.. It's so complicated. Ohh..
It’s a battle of the sexes. Men bob and weave when it comes to the overly dramatic and emotional knockouts. Women do a one-two combo while nagging that men don’t listen or care. It’s toe-to-toe, we go the distance and roll with the punches, but no matter how many rounds you go at it, the fact is that we will never fully understand how the opposite sex works. As human beings, we are all created equally with the same emotions. Yet we are designed for different purposes. We differ in how we communicate those emotions. We throw in the towel, we can only compromise and come to a mutual understanding that caters to how we function as a whole.
Men are conquerors and providers, who like to keep things simplistic and drama- free. They get easily frustrated when women assume that they will understand and think like a woman does. Men have a hard time processing complex emotional data, so they resort to going to their man caves to maul over the intense download they are receiving. Men are usually raised to be strong and independent. They don’t go around discussing their feelings to the boys, so it’s hard to have them open up in a relationship.
Men are ego driven, who pride themselves on the things they have achieved. Men are driven by respect and admiration where woman are more driven by emotional connections. Insecurities are just the same for men, however, they usually don’t like to admit to their vulnerabilities. Men have enough pressures in their life without having to deal with the humiliation of his woman trying to fix his problems. What they need is a woman’s support and affirmation. They need to be revered as the head of the house they perceive themselves to be.
The conveyance of love is found easier through a man’s actions than through his words. Sex is psychologically the deepest proof of his love for his lover. The rush of endorphins satisfies his physical desires as well as confirms that he is desired and fulfilling to his partner. He cherishes a woman with the little deeds that are usually taken for granted. His love is by supporting her, protecting her, taking out the trash, etc. Being a good provider is his declaration of his love.
So take off the gloves, instead of sparing it out, take a step back and try to relate to how each other instinctively reacts.Taking the time to put the shoe on the other foot could help to realize the difference in perspectives. We can’t expect to read each other’s minds or force to be something we are not. The chemistry of men and woman is meant to compliment one another to compensate where the other lacks. We must listen, learn, and grow with one another to form an alliance. Saved by the bell.
By: Megan T.
Sometimes after work, a well – deserved drink at your local bar is just what is needed to finish the day off. As a single woman sitting at the bar alone, it tends to bring the attention of a man whether it is intentional or not. Engaging in small talk and innocent flirtation can be entertained. But, when a man advances in such a manner that is aggressive and inappropriate, it can lead to an act of unwanted sexual harassment. Sometimes a woman just wants to enjoy a drink and the ambience surrounding her without being subjected to the prowl of a man.
The amount of men with a lack of respect and social decorum is astonishing. Women are constantly bombarded by over zealous men who don’t take no for an answer. These men continue to insist and advance with different tactics expecting the woman to surrender her decision in favor of his wishes. The repulsive actions of this kind of man can discredit the advances of an honorable gentleman.
Sadly enough, just saying “no” or “not interested” doesn’t always work. A lot of women now-a-days seem to be apprehensive on saying “no” or standing up to men for various traumatic reasons. Men choose not to listen knowing that there is no power in the word “No”. However, some men are continual offenders because they don’t realize that their behavior is wrong. This poor behavior is usually a result of negligence on behalf of the upbringing. It is up to a strong woman to stick to her guns to relay the message that his behavior is unacceptable. Remaining steadfast, actions will speak louder than words.
By- Megan T.
The universe has its way of bringing what we need, at the right time, when we are more open to accepting it.
The moments that we desperately search for love are usually the times that we are not prepared to find it. Instead of worrying about the future and questioning your single status; more time can be focused on attracting what we can achieve today. Feeling the need to be in a relationship or to be loved can be misconstrued for something completely different. A low self-esteem, emotional vulnerability, or depression may cause us to feel a void in ourselves; in which we assume love to be a cure to our ailment. Depending on someone else to make you feel complete causes you to lose a sense of your own identity and self-worth. Independence and happiness found on our own terms can lead to attracting someone who is in that same state of mind. Be conscious to opportunities that surround you on a daily basis and seek to achieve things that are tangible. Burdening yourself with a deadline to be married and have a family by a certain age will only prolong the search. Allow yourself to enjoy and live in the moment. When you least expect it… love will find you.
- By Megan T.
I was recently set up on a blind date with a 30-year old Wall Street guy who is French Canadian, let’s call him Matt. We planned a date for a Saturday evening at the Gramercy Park Hotel’s posh Rose Bar. Rose Bar, being an upscale hotspot known for their exotic yet pricey cocktails, attracts the beautiful, rich, and the famous.
The night of our rendezvous, Matt was considerate enough to text me that he was running late. Having arrived ten minutes early, nervousness rushed over my body as I paced the sidewalk. Curious to see this mystery man, I anticipated his arrival. An attractive man pulled up in a cab by the entrance of the Gramercy Park Hotel donning a black sport jacket, jeans and black leather Oxfords. His meandering gaze through the bystanders gave him away. A quick hug to say hello we proceeded into the bar. We instantly bonded over a mutual appreciation for Whiskey. However, he insisted that I should try one of their infamous tasty concoctions. I sampled a sugary sweet Mojito but ultimately switched to my favorite Johnny Walker Black and Ginger Ale.
Nestled tightly into a corner table we exchanged dialogue to learn more about one another. The beginning seemed promising, however, the more he drank the more I realized that this may not be a compatible match. He focused quite a bit on his self accomplishments and superficial ideals. An hour and a half later is when it all went downhill. A woman sat down next to our table and immediately interjected a question into our conversation asking, “ Are you two on your first date?”. Obviously intoxicated she continued small talk with us, focusing more so on my date. She was waiting for a larger table to open up for her posse, making me feel as if I was the third wheel. Ten minutes gone by she joined her group two tables behind myself. Matt instantly perked up after realizing that she was sitting with Derek Jeter. Matt being a fan, obsessively talked about Derek Jeter and wanted to find a way to join them. By this point, I was peeved and felt as if I was on a date with Derek Jeter himself. Remembering the bar had a Billiard table, I proposed we should play a few games in hopes to salvage the remaining evening and forget the presence of Derek Jeter. Knowing I would never pursue a second date, I tried to make the best of the situation by indulging in Whiskey and Billiards. In conclusion of the date, we shared a quiet cab ride with two destinations. I was happy to arrive home and alone.
The moral of the story:
Blind dates can either be a disaster or it can surprisingly be promising. Either way it is an outlet to step outside of your comfort zone. The idea is to try going with an open mind and no expectations. Blind dates can be risky because you have no idea what to expect. A blind date every now and again is fine. But, prior screening of a date may spare you a wasted evening on someone who isn’t compatible. When the date goes horribly wrong, the pressure is off to impress your date. Be honest with the person and don’t let them ruin a perfectly good night. You have the option to cut the night short and bid them adieu or you can find something to enjoy about the night and make your own fun. Every experience whether good or bad is an opportunity to learn something.
“Dating is an investment to your long-term commitments; it is up to you to decide what type and the amount of risks you are willing to assume to realize a return on your investments.”
- By Megan T.
In Greek mythology, the Sirens were portrayed as dangerous seductresses, who lured sailors to their death through their enchanting music and voices. In this day and age, this ancient folklore can be conceivable to a certain degree. The seduction of a beautiful woman can be a powerful thing to resist. To bluntly put it, I call it “the power of the pussy”. It is the ability of a woman to use her beauty and sexuality to her advantage, to bend a man to her will. Men, both single and married, are constantly tempted by the lure of a woman. In the wrong hands, a woman can manipulate a man to the point of his destruction.
Women are beautiful creatures but they can be dangerous. Many men have lost money, careers, family and respect due to the deceiving intentions of a woman. However, a man should acknowledge his own weakness to succumb to such travesties. A wise man will heed the warning signs and continue with safe passage on his journey.
Why do men fall prey to a sexy woman who is a “crazy bitch”? Is it a foresight that they most likely are crazy in bed? Compared to the “good girl”, perhaps it is an alluring appeal that they could be more open minded to fulfilling your wildest fantasies. Men have egos and they are always searching for ways to boost them. Men have the notion to be the hero or to “fix” things. Women packaged with drama and issues may give a man that sense of being needed or feeling important. Perhaps the insanity may bring excitement to your dull life. It can also be a distraction to your own problems, masking your own dysfunctional life. A man who is not ready for an intimate and committed relationship may continue to pick the wrong women.
Whether a man or woman, we all can fall prey to the illusion of something we want. What we think we want isn’t always something that is good for us. Allowing someone to negatively impact your life can only result in devastation. Evaluating what we need in our lives will empower us to choose more wisely. Fewer problems, less headaches.
- By Megan T.
The Legend of St. Valentine
“The history of Valentine’s Day–and the story of its patron saint–is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this ancient rite?
The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.”
Reference – http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day
After reading the above article it reminded me how much Valentines Day has become an overly commercialized holiday. One day out of the year where society pressures couples to buy tokens of their affections for one another or it slaps you in the face to remind you that you are single. Either way this concept of professing your love is taken for granted. We have 365 days out of a year to profess our love and fight for what we believe in. Modern times have left us to be selfish and oblivious to the love in our lives. How has love and romance become such a trivial thing? Has fame, fortune, and power consumed our lives to the point where there is no room for love? Love is a universal emotion that can be shared with not only your partner but ourselves, family, and friends. When was the last time you randomly expressed love to some you care for? Appreciate the time you have with the people you love. For what is here today can be taken from you tomorrow.
In the beginning stages of dating, we never really know what we signed up for until we get to know them better. We all have this ideal person in our heads of what we want to find, but reality reminds us that we can’t always get perfection. Men are stimulated visually while women need a touch or a bond with someone. Our carnal desires is what primarily drives us. We are subconsciously searching for the perfect mate.
Plenty of people living in the City are all focused on finding the next best thing. Whether it is finding a better job, better apartment, or a better partner. It is so easy to be caught up in the superficiality of this world that we resort to trading up, especially when it comes to dating. Both men and women are susceptible to upgrading. Ladies, we understand this concept the most because we have much more competition in the city compared to men. The idea of being traded up for someone better definitely takes a blow to the self-esteem. But what is it that we are trading up for? Vanity… money… status…… the list could go on. Ask yourself why are you dating in the first place? Is it a quest for love or to quench your lust?
Dating is a process of elimination. We may hurt ourselves as we remove the thorns but we continue our journey till we have a beautiful rose. I believe in quality over quantity. You will always find someone who is better, but it is the quality of a person that is hard to come by. Physical chemistry is important but it is an emotional connection and an appreciation for a persons’ soul that keeps a couple together. Cherish the person you are with for the genuine qualities they possess. Constantly trading up for the sake of materialistic things will prevent you from finding the true love and happiness you so desire.
“The vanity of this world can go as quickly as it came, but it is our soul and mind that will live on till the end. “
Knowledge is a powerful tool. It is how we choose to use it that determines the outcome. I have taken into account my own personal dating experiences and the knowledge that I have obtained through my own research and interviews. It is through my resources that I wish to share with the world an incite to understanding the opposite sex and how they interact with one another.
Living in New York City with millions of other people, some would say that New York is one of the loneliest cities. I state the obvious when I say that the dating scene has its unfair advantages. The girl to guy ratio is not an even playing field; leaving single men to have a smorgasbord of single women to choose from. Negative thinking and complaining about how hard it is to find a good single man in the city is not going to speed up the process to pursuing relationships. Patience and persistence are virtues we should all learn to apply to this challenge of dating. Out of all the millions of people residing in New York, we have the resources to meet people. It takes time and putting yourself out there to find what you are searching for.
Statistics aside, let the dating begin!